This Isn't Love
by xXAnime4LifeXx
Summary: Toris was a lonely boy with a dad who never truly loved him. Feliks was a lonely boy who's dad had secrets that would be better kept that way. When Toris meets Feliks, he never would have thought that he would be the answer to his problems. LietPol. RnR
1. Chapter 1

**I know I should be finishing off my other stories, but this idea came into my head just before falling asleep like a week ago. And I absolutely love this ship, so I had to write it down. If you have read my other Hetalia fic (Arthur Rabbit's younger brother), you can probably tell that I have a thing for green eyes. Oh and anyone who's reading that school system doesn't work the same as in England, tutor rooms are Home rooms and Year 10 is when you're 14/15. Any other years mentioned, well, you should be able to do the maths. Anyway here we go.**

**Disclaimer – I do not, nor will I ever, own Hetalia. This is purely for fun and non profitable.**

**Warning – Shonen-ai (PolandxLithuania) and strong language, don't like, don't read. Thank you.**

**This isn't Love**

Feliks isn't your average 19 year old. He wasn't exactly you're average teenage boy. In all honesty, he's more like your average girl. He's a cross-dresser you see, but I think he takes it a bit too seriously. He'd wear dresses and skirts and heals and crop tops and anything else known as girls wear. I've even found bra's in his drawer. He's been mistaken as being a girl many a times, though, to him, it wasn't a mistake at all. I think he has a bit of gender confusion. I think he really does think he's a girl. Once he was telling me how he and some girl in our class were similar. He said "she and I are, like, so alike. We both are totally mysterious girls and stuff" It kind of took me by surprise how he referred to himself as a girl. I didn't know whether to tell him he was a boy or not, but I didn't. Even so, there was no denying it; he did make a cute girl. He definitely would make a cute girl! Feliks's kind of a dick sometimes; he'd get annoyed easily and get a bit bitchy too. He doesn't really listen to me often; he'd brush off anything I had to say, no matter how serious it was. He's stubborn and proud, acting like some high king or, erm, queen? He's also the jealous type. Any mention of any girl from me and he'd start pouting. I don't get why though. He acts like he cares for me, but at the same time hurts me emotionally and physically. All these characteristics make him Feliks though, the very same Feliks I know and, er… like?

The day I met him was a memorable day. The day I became his fried was a really important day for me. It was a month into the new school year of year 10. I had just transferred there from my home country, Lithuania. Before here, I use to live with my dad in Lithuania. Recently he and I had got into a little fight and, well, I left him. I decided to go live with my mum and younger sister. My dad and I had never truly been on good terms before. He was a bit of an alcoholic and got into all sorts of trouble with the police. He never told me why though. This was really the main reason my mum had left him. When my mum had left him she took my sister, Daina. My dad insisted on keeping me, since mum had Daina. Truthfully I would have much rather have gone with mum and it was obvious she didn't want to leave me with the likes of him. She protested saying things like "I won't ever allow my son to stay with someone as shameful as you". I remember so clearly what happened next. I watched from the banisters, watching them like a tiger watching its prey. I was 13 then and Daina was 5. Daina slept through the shouts and screams and the occasional breaking glass, but I couldn't, I watched it all. I watched my alcoholic father go into the kitchen. I watched him open the knife drawer. I watched him stab my mother. I watched it all, everything. But that's not important right now. Back to the story.

I was transferred to Class 10D. It was quite a peaceful class actually. The students there were friendly, with the odd one or two. I instantly made friends with an Estonian boy and a Latvian boy. The Estonian went by the name Eduard and the Latvian, Raivis. They were really nice and helped me find my way in the new school. I was ever so thankful; this school was much, MUCH bigger than the one I went to in Latvia, and I often got lost. The school was very multicultural. In our class there was an American, a Canadian, an Estonian, a Latvian, a Lithuanian (me), a Belarusian and a Chinese. The rest, of course, where pretty much English. But that was just our tutor room. The rest of the classes were sets. I hated those classes. I usually ended up sitting in the middle of some rowdy popular group. Eduard and Raivis were in the highest sets for most of the lessons were as I was always in group two, other than in maths and science, then I'd join them in set one. I was surprised by how many people had made it to set two. Most of them didn't look nor act smart enough to be in the lowest group. But the lesson I hated most was P.E. Physical education, the education of being physical and such. I, unlike most of the people in my class, was a lanky little thing. I was far to skinny. I sucked at anything including strength. I was okay at sports, but HRE, Health Related Exercise, I was the worst. Whether it is sit ups or push ups, I sucked. Heck, I can't even do girly push ups. But then, most of the girls in our class couldn't do them either. But what I hated most about this lesson was Ivan! Ivan Braginski was a Russian student who constantly picked on me. He had a small group around wherever he went, including the Belarusian, Natalia Alfroskaya, and a Ukrainian girl too. They'd often point out my flaws, and there were a lot, and get others to join in too. I usually tried to come to the changing rooms a lot earlier than the rest of the class, so I could get changed quicker and miss Ivan, since he did most of the tormenting in the changing rooms.

Today I was running late to school. I had missed registration and was now marked absent. I had to go to the main reception to explain why I was late (I slept in, again). First period was P.E, so I ran to my locker to get my kit. Typically, there was a huge crowd and my locker just happened to be on the other side of school, no where near P.E. My locker was 909, 1 of the 1500 lockers in this school. I ran to my locker, hitting my jean's pockets to find my keys. When I got to my locker, I found a blond haired girl trying to get in. The first thing that came into my mind was 'wow, she has a flat chest'. I realised how perverted that sounded and so shook the thought out. I tapped her on the back. She turned, her blond hair swaying behind. Her green eyes stared into my blue eyes. She didn't look at all happy. She folded her arms, positioning her legs in an acute angle. She flicked her hair out of her face before saying "Like, what do you want?"

Her voice was quite deep for a girl.

"I, er, that's my locker" I said whilst taking my keys out. I placed it in the lock and it snapped open.

The blond turned pink and shook her head. "OMG! I'm, like, soooo sorry" She apologised.

Her voice was actually unnaturally deep for a girl. Was the blond in front of me actually a girl?

"I, like, totally got a new locker and I didn't no if my piece of paper with the locker number said 909 or 606" The blond informed me.

"That's okay" I assured the blond.

The blond smiled and ran off to her locker. No, to his locker! That was no girl. Sure he spoke like a valley girl and his posture was girl like and sure he was wearing a skirt and blouse, but that was no girl! Then I took note of reality and what time it was. I was late, really late!

I ran to the changing rooms, praying to god that Ivan was already changed and gone… he wasn't. He was changed but he hadn't left. I slowly made my way to the farthest corner of the room, right by the showers and far away from Ivan. He didn't seem to be paying much attention to me, so I took that opportunity to get changed quickly and leave before he notices. Just as I finished buttoning up my white T-Shirt, a large shadow fell on top of me. I looked up to see none other but Ivan in front of me. He was smiling in an innocent manner, which usually meant hell for me. I tried to get around him, but a blonde French boy was in my way.

"Oh, I thought you weren't coming in today" Ivan scoffed.

I didn't say anything; I just tried to get around, but failed.

"Aw, mon petit chien, don't try to run, you'll only get hurt. Non?" laughed the French boy, Francis Bonnefoy.

Francis often went along with Ivan's plans to torture me. Really, anyone would. Ivan wasn't someone you'd want to mess with. He was muscular, taller and scarier than usual boys our age.

"Hey" said a familiar voice.

The voice came from behind Ivan. Ivan turned to face the boy who called for him. I tried to look around to see who it was. But Ivan was too tall, I couldn't see. The voice was familiar though. I couldn't remember from where though.

"Like, it's totally not cool picking on people half your size"

Ha! It was the guy from the locker, the one I mistook for being a girl! He didn't sound English at all, so I guessed he was foreign. This school was full of us. I stared at my savoir, he was wearing his kit, but it wasn't the right kit. No! It was the right kit, but, well, it was the girls. He was wearing a black skort and a white t-shirt. His hair was tied back in a high pony tail too. Was he for real? He was a lot shorter than Ivan and, maybe, an inch shorter than Francis. Of all people, why did he have to come? Why couldn't it be someone who could actually take someone like Ivan? Those were my thoughts then.

Ivan and Francis stood there looking down at the gender confused boy. The blond just stood there, hands on hips, smirking. I stood behind the Russian and French boys, confused as always.

"Aah Feliks" Ivan said.

So his name is Feliks. Well, Feliks, do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into?

"Well, what gives you the right to stop us?" Ivan asked with an innocent looking smile.

Feliks poked his cheek, looking up at the ceiling. Great, he has no idea what he's doing.

"I guess I don't" Shrugged the blond teen, "but, like, you could totally target someone not so weak"

Great, he was saving me by insulting me. Sure I wasn't the strongest and the bravest, but I wasn't weak… right?

Ivan raised his eyebrows at Feliks. Then he turned towards Francis. "Well, we better go to P.E then"

Francis nodded and they both walked off. I was speechless. How the heck did a guy who wore skirts and dresses scare of a giant like Ivan? I gawked at my saviour, he seemed a lot more of a girl than before whilst beaming as the villains of this scene went off. In these moments, I felt like face-palming myself. Everyone in the changing rooms were looking at me, occasionally muttering things to their peers. I could feel my neck getting hotter than it already was. Damn it Toris, you complete failure. I stuck out as it was, being the only Lithuanian in the school and my crap P.E skills really didn't help!

Feliks turned to look at me. He smiled a weird smile. It wasn't exactly a friendly one, but it didn't exactly shout 'ha ha you tramp, can't even defend yourself'. It was kind of in the middle. Feliks stretched out his arm towards me. I took it and got up. I never really noticed it before, but his eyes were really green. They were a lot shinier than the yes I've seen before. It made me look even more pathetic. He was standing tall and proud and I was slouching, quiet and a total social outcast. To make matters worse, that was all everyone was talking about in the class. A rumour went round that I had provoked Ivan, and then when I was just about to get pummelled, Feliks felt sorry for me so he helped me out. That was not how it went at all. What I found most interesting was the fact that Feliks wasn't scared of Ivan. Mostly everyone in our year and below was terrified of the beast that was the Russian, but Feliks couldn't care less about appearances (not surprised) and so wasn't scared of Ivan. Feliks was also friends with Ivan's half sister from Ukraine, so Ivan didn't torment his life. Some people get all the luck.

A ghostly groan filled the air when our coach said two certain words, "Fitness Test". Great, a stupid test to make matters worse. Dammit. Our first task was to get into threes. I looked around, hoping to see a friendly face. In the distance I could see Alfred. He was American and I had recently made friends with him. I took a few steps towards him, but then stopped. Arthur, a blond English boy, was already with him and so was Matthew, a Canadian boy. Now that my only friend was already in a group, I was sure to end up the last one alone, as always. I decided to just sit back and guess who I might be put with. It was probably going to be in Ivan's group knowing my luck. Just as I was about to sit down on a bench, I felt a warm hand clutch my wrist. I turned on my heel to find sparkling green eyes staring deep into my blue ones. It was Feliks.

"So, like, you're all alone" he stated.

Way to state the obvious Feliks, good one.

"So, like, do you wanna totally come with me and Liz?" Feliks pointed at a girl with long wavy brown hair. She was in the same uniform as Feliks and was smiling at me, or was it Feliks? Most likely Feliks.

I nodded and awkwardly followed Feliks to her.

'Liz' smiled at me and said hello, I said hello back.

"Hey Liz, this is, like…" Feliks stopped. He tilted head slightly and put his finger to the corner of his mouth. "OMG, I, like, totally don't know your name!" he shouted.

I nodded and then said "Toris, Toris Lorinaitis"

'Liz' and Feliks stared at me.

"I, I know my names kid of weird…" my sentence was cut off by the girl.

"Oh no it's not" she said to me, "My name is Elizaveta Héderváry, but you can call me Liz"

"And like, I'm Feliks Łukasiewicz" The blonde happily said.

Huh, so I guess they weren't English.

The rest of P.E was actually quite fun. I did horribly on the test, getting one of the lowest scores, but, for once, I really didn't care. We had to do the bleep test (It's were you run from one side to the other before the beep goes off, I only did 8.7laps before collapsing) and then some other fitness related tasks like push ups and sit ups. I did really mad at mostly everything. The only thing I did remotely well at was the skipping, now is that something to be proud of? Feliks didn't seem to bother in most of them. When it came to the squats and push ups and sit ups and planking, he really didn't try. But, if it had to do with running, he didn't do that bad. On the bleep test, he got 14.4, and was one of the few left. Liz did really well though. She tried at everything, getting on of the highest in everything. She was the last girl running and was the fourth one running including the boys. She was really good!

In our threes, one had to watch, one had to write and the other did the task and then we'd swap. Sitting on the bench with either Feliks or Liz was quite nice actually. I found out a bit about them. For instance, Liz was Hungarian and Feliks was Polish. They both have been best friends since they were little and both of them acted as the opposite sex. Honestly, Liz was the boy of the two and Feliks the girl. The two seemed pretty close. According to Feliks, Liz had a way with men. She's been out with a lot of people, including and Austrian, a German and a Romanian, which, according to her, was the biggest mistake of her life. I asked Feliks if there was anything going on between them. He laughed and said that they were only friends, emphasising on 'only'.

When P.E had ended, we made our way to the changing rooms. Ivan and Francis were no where to be seen. After P.E was History. Liz was in a higher set, so she didn't bother wait for us. Feliks had art, but he waited for me anyway. Art was in a different block to History, so Feliks only walked a third of the way with me. I was dreading History. I really didn't like the lesson. Alfred didn't do History at the same time as me, if he did, we'd be in the same class. I had no friends in the class and, to make matters worse, Francis was in that class. He sat next to the Seychellois next to me. When he wasn't flirting with her, he'd take the time to trouble me. I found it hard to concentrate in the lesson as it was, so having him near me was hell. I tried to ignore him, but when I did, he'd start throwing things. The Seychellois often got annoyed with him and often told him to "get a life" and "Grow up". He'd pout like some stupid dog every time. That annoyed me even more.

"Damn it you French toad" snarled the Seychellois, "You fucking idiot, that took me forever!"

The girl pointed at the huge red paint blob on her world map. In class we were supposed to be creating something to do with the world and writing historical facts about it. Francis had a tub of red paint and thought it'd be funny if he flicked some at me, except he completely forgot about the girl in between us and ended up ruining her project. Francis apologised, did he really think a simple "I'm sorry" was going to fix a six weak project? No, no was the answer. In her rage, the Seychellois tipped her orangeade all over the French boy's work.

The class fell silent and I moved up a seat so nothing would happen to my work. Our teacher, Mrs Smith, sent the two out of the classroom for disrupting the class and they were put on report.

The rest of the day was pretty normal. Maths, English and Science were the last three lessons. The lessons were like any other. We covered things that were likely to be on our GCSE's and focused mainly on that. The teachers gave us lectures about how important it was to pass and how it might influence our lives. Break and lunch were pretty much like any other day too. Eduard, Raivis and I usually sat in the library after we ate and just talked. Before I knew it, it was tutor again. Just 10 more minutes before I got to go home, 10 more minutes and then freedom! The register was taken and the bell went. I got my stuff and headed out the door. I didn't live any where near Eduard and Raivis, so I usually walked home alone. As I was heading out the gates I saw Feliks and Liz. I contemplated whether I should join them or not, but decided not too since I only saw them in P.E and we weren't really friends. I walked along the crowded path, head down, not looking were I was going.

"Hey it's, like, urm..." said a familiar Polish voice, "Toris, isn't it?"

I looked up to see bright green eyes looking at me. Another set of green eyes were looking at me too. It was, unmistakably, Liz and Feliks. I wasn't looking were I was going and accidently walked straight into them. I smiled at them, hoping they were going the same way as me.

"Like you walk this way too? Cool!" Feliks laughed.

I nodded and told them where I lived. I found out that Feliks and Liz lived in the estate next to mine and I ended up walking the rest of the way with them. They were really nice and I found out even more about them. Feliks was and still is, a cross dresser. He told me that, on his sixth birthday he dressed up as a girl to trick his aunt. He enjoyed wearing pretending to be a girl and liked wearing skirts and dresses, so he stuck to it. At first his parents were a bit concerned, but then let it go and told him to be himself. Where as Liz thought she was a boy when she was younger, then, at a certain age, she realised she was actually a girl. She kept her boyish ways and ended up labelled a tomboy.

I enjoyed having them as company and really enjoyed walking home with them for the next couple of weeks. But then one day when I was leaving my tutor group, I was grabbed and hauled of to an abandoned French class. It was a Friday and I was happily walking out of my class when suddenly Natalia grabbed me. I was the last in the class and so no one saw me. The Belarusian was accompanied with a certain French and Russian.

"Well we haven't seen each other for a very long time mon petit chien, non?" Francis laughed wickedly.

I looked up to see the three smirking at me. I was stupefied that they got me. My body suddenly forgot how to run and how to get away. Ivan laughed sadistically before swinging his clenched fist at my face. Dammit.

**Well that's it for my first chapter, please review, it would be appreciated. Thankyou:)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer – I own nothing as always. **

**Warning – Mentions of drugs.**

**This isn't Love**

**Chapter 2**

Ivan's fist smashed into my jaw. I fell backwards and hit my head on one of the walls of the classroom. I could taste the gushing blood in my mouth. My jaw was stinging and my vision went blurry. I felt a kick in my stomach. Blood sprayed out of my mouth and dripped down my Prussia blue jumper. I felt another blow to my face before I lost consciousness. When I was unconscious I dreamt of a life I never had. I saw my mum and dad happily laughing. I saw my sister playing with her dolls. And I saw myself surrounded by lots and lots of people, friends. I saw myself unharmed, not a single scratch or bruise on me. The people around me were laughing too. But this time not at me, this time people were laughing with me. The sky above me was a bright blue. There wasn't a single cloud and the sun shone brightly. The grass beneath my feet was a deep shade of green, a green I never new even existed. Before I knew it, I was in bed with my little sister. My mum and dad were also by my side. We were happy, sleeping all together as the family we never were. I didn't want to wake up; I wanted to stay in this world forever. Reality was worse than the things we dream, but a dream wasn't forever unlike reality. So I awoke back to the life I knew.

I found myself on a bed with light pink sheets. I looked around this strange new room. There was a big arched window right above my bed which had a pink and blue blind on it. To my right was a bedside table with my phone, house keys and wallet. In front of the desk was my school bag. The walls of the room were a baby pink and were outlined in a pastel blue. There was a mirror right in front of the bed and I saw that my jaw had a purple bruise on it. There were a few cuts on it which looked as if it had been bleeding. Someone must have cleaned it up. I found an icepack to my right; it must have fallen off of my head or something. Suddenly, I felt a sharp sting something from my waist. I lifted up my blood stained top to find a bandage wrapped around that area. The bandage had a red blotch on it. I figured it had been bleeding. I tried to get out of the bed to find out exactly were I was, but I stopped when I saw a certain picture on the table next to me. It was of Liz and Feliks. Feliks was in his girl attire and Liz was wearing a long black dress that fit her figure perfectly. I thought it was Liz's room at first, but then I remembered Feliks' love for girls' things. So maybe it's his room? My question was answered shortly after.

The door to the room opened and Liz and Feliks stood there with a bowl of water and a cloth. They looked surprised to see me there. Almost as surprised when I woke up to find myself lying there.

Feliks smiled and said, "We, like, thought you'd never wake up!"

I looked around, trying to find a clock. I remembered my phone and got it to see the time. It was 5:49. School finished two and 49 minutes ago, and I was asleep the whole time.

"We were so worried when we found you all battered and bruised!" Liz told me, "We couldn't just leave you so Feliks and I brought you to his house"

So it was Feliks's room.

They explained to me that when I didn't show up were we normally met to walk home they got worried. After a while they decided to look for me. Feliks had told Liz that Ivan bullied me and so when she saw him and his cronies coming out of an unused classroom, laughing and wiping blood of his knuckles, she got a bad feeling. She ran in to the classroom to find me unconscious, lying there, bleeding heavily. Liz called Feliks and he ran to the scene. Liz thought of taking me back to my house, but then decided against it since she didn't want to worry my mum and Daina. Feliks suggested taking me back to his place and get me sorted out, so that's what they did. Feliks, pretending to be me, had texted my mum using my phone telling her that I was staying around Feliks's. When they got to his house, Liz offered to stay and help and so they both put my in his bed and got to work. Feliks's dad wasn't home and his mother had died from cervical cancer, so he was home alone. While I was unconscious they did all this for me and I was so grateful that I ended up crying. I had never really experienced this feeling before. No ones ever done so much for me that it felt like a moment worth crying for. Though they took it the wrong way.

"Does you're cuts still hurt?" asked Liz with a worried expression.

I shook my head and fell back on the bed. Feliks laughed at me and then said "Hey, so I guess you're, like, staying round mine tonight"

I looked up at Feliks. He was smiling happily. I forgot that he had told my mum that I was sleeping round his. I guess it was for the best, it'd worry her if she saw me in this state.

"But, like, I'm totally taking the bed. You can so sleep on the floor, yeah?" Feliks pointed at the pink carpet coated floor. Typical Feliks, when someone was dying right besides him, he'd still come first. Liz put her hands on her hips and told Feliks that I should get the bed. She scolded him for being selfish and made him apologise to me. He pouted for a while and fell silent.

There was an awkward silence and I took the time to observe my surroundings. There was a large blue wardrobe on the wall were the mirror was. I wondered what kinds of clothes hid in there. We didn't have a school uniform so we could come in whatever we wanted. Feliks came in wearing something different every time. He didn't always were dresses, but 60% of the time it was some item of girls clothing. There were probably more dresses and costumes in that wardrobe. To the left of the wardrobe was a silver shoe rack. It held a pair of blue high top converses and a pair of pink converse boots. There were a few heels on there and some warn out trainers too. On the walls were pictures that he drew, each one signed with a decorate F for Feliks. The drawings consisted mostly of women wearing a unique dress deigned by Feliks. He had told me a week ago that he wanted to become a fashion designer. He was actually really good. Liz had told me she wanted to work with kids. She wanted to walk in a nursery or something.

It was about half past six in the evening and Feliks had finished making dinner. He often had to make dinner for himself since his dad normally didn't come back until very late. Feliks usually spent this time alone playing some Final Fantasy game on his PS3 or drawing new designs. It must have been quite lonesome for him. I had Daina with me and mum usually came back from work around five. Feliks had told me after his mum died his father become unstable. He'd usually go out to 'work' and end up coming back at 4 in the morning with an alcoholic aroma around him. According to Feliks, his father was getting better. He used to get angry and start shouting a lot at Feliks with no real reason and then ended up breaking down into tears in front of Feliks's feet and say he was sorry. To make himself feel better he'd go out with his friends, most likely to the local pub, and not come back for hours. When he did come back, he was usually around some guys shoulders absolutely wasted. Another thing that Feliks's father did was cook. Not just cook a meal for dinner or something normal, no, he's cook for the whole day, none stop, chugging down cans of vodka. Feliks said he tried to eat it all, so they weren't wasting the food, but there was always too much and so most of it ended up in the bin. When Feliks didn't eat it his father would usually start crying again and drinking too. But as time went by, these habits stopped. The only thing he does now is drink. But Feliks was worried that there was more to just drinking.

"He, like, randomly stopped his habits" Feliks said to me over dinner. I was expecting some traditional Polish dish, but he was in the mood for Italian, so we had spaghetti Bolognese instead. "You, like, totally don't just stop. It takes time"

I nodded and said "I see" with a fork full of spaghetti in my mouth. Honestly, I didn't see where he was going with this story. Maybe his dad was getting through this, maybe Feliks just didn't notice. But Feliks was a very blunt person and usually came to the worst conclusions when it came to these things, so I didn't know why this surprised me so much.

"I think he's on crack"

I chocked on my food. How on earth did Feliks get the idea that his father was doing drugs? Surely that wasn't the case. From what I heard, his father was a respectable man who would never go near anything of the sort. Before Feliks's mother died, his father was always cautious of smokers, drinkers and drug abusers. Feliks's father also looked very well. Well, I couldn't really say that since I've never actually met the man, only seen pictures. Once I stopped choking I looked up at Feliks. I was expecting some worried face that was nearly in tears or something. I was certainly not expecting a chill, bored expression. The way he looked and said the phrase was so nonchalant that it didn't seam human.

"What makes you think that?" was the question I asked. I asked it casually and calmly. Truthfully, I was shouting and lecturing Feliks in my head.

"Well, like, he smells different and his nose is whiter" was the Pole's answer.

He smells different and his nose is whiter. Really Feliks? There are so many other possibilities… well I think there is. His father couldn't be on cocaine. For some reason I was taking it harder than Feliks was. I looked at Feliks again. He had that same bored expression.

"You can't honestly think he's on cocaine?" I asked him, worried what he might reply.

He didn't reply. Feliks sat there for a while, chewing his fork. He had barely touched his food. The fork seemed to be what he was more interested in eating. Feliks looked up at the ceiling and poked his cheek. He sighed then got up taking his plate and glass to the kitchen. We were sitting in the dining room which was straight through the kitchen and you could see the sink from where I was sitting. I saw Feliks put his food in the bin then start washing his dishes. I decided that I had had enough and decided to help Feliks clear up. He told me I didn't need to help, but I insisted, you know, being a good friend and all. But Feliks was Feliks, so I ended up doing most of the work.

After dinner we decided to finish some of our homework. I had finished off my homework yesterday so I didn't have anything to do. Feliks told me I could watch T.V or go on his laptop, but I decided to help him on his media studies homework instead. He had to right down about what is currently popular now and how it's changed due time. It was due in the next day and Feliks hadn't even started.

"Like, this is totally boring" he whined.

I sighed as I watched him roll on his back and start pouting. His arms were crossed on his chest and his legs were bent upwards. He was wearing a crimson tank top and blue jean shorts along with pink leggings. He also wore a button-less pink cardigan and fluffy pink bunny slippers that finished off his outfit. I laughed at him. He looked so innocent and cute pouting on the floor like that. He kind of reminded me of Daina. When we, no, when _I _finished Feliks's homework we decided to spend the rest of the time on his laptop. It was eight, so we had plenty of time before bed. Feliks usually went to bed at around 10. He said that if he got less than eight hours of sleep, he get's really cranky. That was okay with me since I went to sleep around the same time. The next to hours were spent on YouTube looking at random stuff. The two hours went by pretty fast. Feliks got changed into his pyjamas, actually, he wore a baby blue nightdress. I suddenly realised that I didn't have my clothes or tooth brush along with me, other than my school uniform. I told Feliks this and he laughed. He told me not to worry and he had it all sorted. I could borrow one of his pyjamas and he had lots of spare toothbrushes. I looked at what Feliks was wearing, wondering if I had to wear that too. I was pretty relived when he handed me normal male pyjamas. I got changed and washed up. When I got to Feliks's room, I saw a mattress on the floor with sheets and two pillows on it. Feliks was also sitting on it along with the book 'To Kill a Mockingbird'. He smiled at me and winked at me, beckoning me to his side. I walked slowly to him. Feliks pointed to his bed and said that I was to sleep there. I smiled and thanked him for all he's done. Feliks brushed it off as though I was normal for him to invite and look after injured people. After a while he fell asleep. This was the quietist he'd ever been and was quite unnatural for him. It seemed quite strange for there to be silence. I watched him for a while sleeping. He looked so sweet and childlike that I couldn't help smiling. I soon got tired and fell asleep. When I was asleep, I had that dream again. The one were I lived a life of joy and bliss. But this time, I wanted to wake up; I wanted to see the people in the real world, because there were people in the real world that wanted to see me.

At about 4 in the morning I heard a strange thudding noise. It was coming from the front door. I heard a gruff, deep voice coming from downstairs. There was a smashing noise and a lot of swearing. It must have been Feliks's dad. I didn't think much of it since Feliks said this was normal. So I went back to sleep. A few moments later, or what felt like a few moments, I felt something next to me. I looked to my left and saw a certain blonde boy next to me. I wandered what he was doing there. He turned to me and I saw that he was crying. I asked him what was wrong. After a minute he replied.

"I don't like being alone"

I cuddled up next to him and he silently wept into the pillow. And that's all I could remember of that night.

"I don't like being alone either Feliks".

**That's it for Chapter 2, please review:)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you Maiya123 for reviewing the last 2 chapters ^.^ And thank you all who favourited.**

**I don't own anything, as always.**

**This Isn't Love**

**Chapter 3**

The loud ringing of my phone woke up me the next morning. By instinct I stretched out my left arm to turn the ring off, only to be greeted by a cold pink wall. I rubbed my eyes and looked around for my phone. I tried to get up, but there was something weighing me down. I scratched my head and yawned. I always hated getting up in the morning; it's one of the hardest jobs of our lives. I decided that it was time to find out what was holding me down; I needed to get ready for school after all. I looked down at the duvet to find a blonde haired boy sleeping peacefully on my chest. I smiled at the sight. Feliks looked rather cute sleeping quietly, although I'd never actually admit that to him. Eh, what was I thinking? I tried pushing him off of me, but he'd end up moving back on to me. This wasn't going great. Every time I pushed him off he'd make a funny moan and cuddle back up. Honestly I wouldn't have minded just letting him stay there if there was no school on. Since Feliks decided that he was not going to get off, I had no choice but to wake him up.

"Feliks" I whispered into his ear.

He wriggled around for a bit before slowly lifting up his left eyelid. I smiled at him as he awoke from his slumber. He didn't smile back. He looked as if he was going to scratch my eyeballs out. Note to self: never wake Feliks up, EVER! But soon enough he returned to his happy self. "What year is Tor?" he asked me rubbing his eyes.

I laughed and replied "2098".

"Well that was a long sleep" he said snuggling into my chest.

I didn't know if he noticed that he was sleeping on me or not. I was starting to find it really uncomfortable and awkward so I informed Feliks of the time. It was 10 past six and Feliks didn't usually get up until about half past 6, so he decided to stay in bed for a little longer.

I went downstairs to make myself some breakfast. As I walked down the hallway to the stairs, I passed Feliks's dads room. I stopped and looked at it. Feliks had shown me every single room in the house except that one. I wondered what might be hiding in the room. I wondered if there really was a stash of drugs buried under some other ordinary things under his bed maybe. I remembered the night before. When Feliks's father got home he wasn't in the happiest of states from what I could hear. He was swearing and shouting at an unknown entity. When his dad made it to his room, he wasn't alone. I heard another set of feet follow him into his room. The next set of feet was a lot softer than his. Before I fell back to sleep I heard a gasp and that's about it. I stared more intently at the door. Suddenly I felt a slight blush creep up my neck. I remembered that Feliks was crying. Did he normally cry when going to sleep, or was it just today? I remembered his face when he crawled into bed with me. It was a bit strange; I'd never really shared a bed with anyone, especially someone I regarded as a close friend. But I felt like I couldn't push him off. He looked so venerable and defenceless that I had to let him in. That was it. That's why I enjoyed having his warmth next to. Not any other reason… right?

I made my way into the kitchen and got out a box of Cheerio's from the shelf. I got the refrigerator and took out the jug of milk. I turned the kettle on whilst reaching for a bowl to have my cereal in. It was about 20 past 6 and I could hear Feliks making his way downstairs. When I was making my morning coffee, I decided to make a mug for Feliks. Feliks's hair was messy and his eyes were still a bit red from last night. I handed him his mug and he happily took it. He sat down at the breakfast bar and watched me eat my bowl of cereal. When I asked him if we wanted anything, he said that he normally got breakfast from the café on the way to school. I nodded whilst sipping my coffee. At about half six we went back upstairs and got ready for school. Feliks gave me one of his shirts to wear to school since mine was stained with blood. My cheek still had a purple lump on it, but Feliks put some make up on it so it wouldn't show so much. For a guy, he was pretty good at this stuff. At about 8 there was a knock at the door. Feliks opened it to find Liz standing there smiling. We made our way to school. Liz was fussing over m bruise on my cheek, asking if it still hurt and if it was still bleeding. I assured her that nothing was wrong and it all was fine. Really, it was all fine, I couldn't be happier. For the first in my life I felt like I had people I could count on and that I had people that could count on me. I was happier than I could have ever been.

School was fairly normal. I didn't have P.E so I didn't see Feliks or Liz all day. I had History second which meant another lesson with the French twat. I made my way to my seat, but was called to the front not long after putting my stuff on the desk and sitting down. I was told to move next to Arthur Kirkland at the back of the classroom since a teacher was to observe the class from there. So nothing interesting really happened. Francis and, well, everyone in the class was on there best behaviour, typical. The whole day was average really. At break I spent it with Eduard and Raivis. They asked me about Feliks and Liz, asking about why I was spending so much time with them. I told them that I had made friends with them and I walked home with them. They looked at each other and nodded in unison. I looked at them confused. Raivis laughed and said, "You sure you don't just have a crush on Liz?".

Eduard laughed too.

I blushed slightly and denied the statement. The two boys laughed and stated the fact that I was blushing so it must have been true. I kept denying, but they wouldn't listen. Really, it was the truth! I didn't have any feelings for her, none what so ever. She was really pretty and ever so kind and if I did like her in that way, it'd be nothing to be ashamed of, but I didn't. Eduard and Raivis didn't get the idea though. The next to lessons I spent with them since I had maths and science. Nothing exiting or different happened, just another boring day.

The make up on my cheek was starting to fade and the purple of the bruise was starting to show a little. I reminded myself to get Feliks or Liz to sort it out for me later. I was planning to go back to Feliks's place after school. He had told me that I could come round after and I said yes. I thought about how lonely he must have been in his house, four bedroom house and, most of the time, just one person living there. I felt sorry for Feliks because I knew how it must've felt to be him. I was quite looking forward to it actually. Liz said she'd probably stay around for a while. That thought probably was the reason I got through last period so well. Ivan was behind me flicking who knows what at my pack, but I ignored it. As I was doing my work I looked out of the window, I saw an ambulance. There were some teachers around someone being helped into the ambulance, but I couldn't really make out any faces. I didn't think much of it and carried on with my work. I didn't think much of it and carried on with my failed excuse for an essay.

When the final bell went off to signal that it was time to go home, I jumped out of my chair and tried hard to avoid Natalia's grasp. I walked to my locker and got my bags and books out. I was just finishing putting my books back into my bag when someone yanked me by my wrist and spun me around. The first thought that came into my mind was that Ivan or one of his gang members had found me. So I was surprised to see Liz there. She looked extremely worried. I thought it was to do with my injuries and I shook my head and said that I was fine. She shook her head furiously at me and started pulling me towards the back exit. I let her pull me for a while before noticing that Feliks wasn't here.

"Hey Liz, where are you…" I got cut off by an abrupt "hurry up!" from Liz.

She was walking really fast, almost a jog. I stared in aw at her. She was really feisty when she wanted to be, one of the main reasons why most people would rather be on her good side. I yanked my wrist out of her hand and stopped, "where are we going Liz and where's Feliks?"

Liz looked at me with an extremely serious face. I've never seen her so serious, it was kind of weird. "The hospital" she snapped.

I looked at her, jaw ajar, "The… hospital?"

**I know it's short, but I didn't know how to lead to this scenario so yeah, that's it for chapter three ^.^**

**Anyway please review, greatly apresiated:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I want to thank everyone who has favourited this story, it really is nice looking into my Gmail inbox and seeing an email from Fanfiction telling me that someone has favourited, it really does make my day. But I want to thank the people who have taken the time to review mostly. Waking up in the morning and reading something from you guys, whether it is praise or some criticism, really does make me happy. Yeah so on with the story.**

**Le disclaimer – I don't own the awesomeness that is Hetalia.**

**This Isn't Love**

**Chapter 4**

The ride to the hospital seemed like it took days. Sitting in my mum's car with no idea how Feliks was doing was antagonising. When Liz told me that Feliks was the one taken by the ambulance, my heart felt like it stopped completely. It made me wish that I paid more attention when I was looking out of the window. Who knew how Feliks was doing, something extremely bad could've happed to him. The outside world seemed to have been muted, or well to me anyway. Everything was so quiet; I could hear my own heart pounding in the screaming silence. I didn't say a word for the journey, I could only think about Feliks. Liz was equally as silent. She stared out of the window the whole ride. Not moving, not speaking, I was worried she wasn't breathing. Liz had told me that Feliks and she were on their way to English when Feliks had stumbled down two steps. When she asked him if he was okay, Feliks replied with a hasty nod, laughing slightly. Liz noted that he had a distant look in his emerald eyes. Liz held out her hand for Feliks, but he didn't take it and went down the rest of the steps. Just as he got to the last one he clenched his chest and made a noise that hinted pain. Just as Liz turned to see how he was, he fell from that one step on to the floor. His head hit the floor pretty hard and he didn't get up. Liz fretted on what to do, but decided to get a teacher. A large crowd had surrounded Feliks when she arrived with a teacher and they called in an ambulance for him. Liz wasn't allowed to go with him since she wasn't a legal guardian or anything of the sought, so she, along with all the other bystanders, was sent back to class.

I bit my thumb nail at the hospital sign. I always hated hospitals. I had spent a lot of time in the hospital when I was living with my dad. Most of the time it was him in there, and other times it was me. The doctors were worried for my well being, they didn't think my dad was a suitable guardian. Damn were they right! Every time I went into the infirmary, it brought back memories of my dad stabbing my mum. I hated it so much there; it was a place for the sick, the injured and the ones so close to death. How could anyone stay there? How could doctors work there? How could they live it? Saving a life was nice, it was better than nice actually. Knowing that you helped to capture and bring back that life that was so close to escaping, it would be the best feeling ever. But you didn't always save lives. Sometimes you had to let them go. Now how could anyone tell an innocent, unsuspecting family that their loved ones were gone, dead? The fact that you were entitled with the job of uncovering the little life within them, to bring hope and happiness back, only to let go of their hand and see them depart that cold, black road of death, now that was something I could never do. But what I'd hate most was to die there. A place like that is where you go to be healed, to be brought assurance that there is hope for a tomorrow, only to die there, knowing there was never going to be a tomorrow, only a brick wall stopping you from going any further. This is why I hate that place so much, it was cold place, full of despair, that's how I saw it.

Liz and I got out of the car. My mum went to park it as Liz and I went to go find where Feliks was. We ran to the front desk at the main reception. My mum came in shortly after us. I asked the lady at the desk where Feliks was being treated and she pointed us to a hall way that led to the east side of the hospital. The sign read "Health related casualties", was there something wrong with Feliks's health? "Well obviously" I told myself, "why else would he be put there?" We got to a section of the east wing which Feliks was staying. We ran in and looked for his little section. We glanced into a few bits where the curtains where closed, just to make sure Feliks wasn't in any of them. Liz and I looked around, but we couldn't find him anywhere. Then my mum pointed towards a section where the curtains where half drawn and asked if that was Feliks. A smile beamed across my pale face, I took Liz's hand and pulled her towards Feliks's bed. When we got there, Feliks was sitting up on his assigned bed looking as bored as ever. There was a doctor by him checking his pulse and blood pressure. When Feliks saw Liza and me, he waved his hands up at as, waving and smiling as if he hadn't seen us in years. The doctor by him, who was currently taking his pressure, dropped the pump and laughed at Feliks's sudden surge of emotion. The doctor told Feliks that he'll check up on Feliks again in an hour and that for now and that he should just rest and try not to get to excited. Feliks nodded shyly and then turned towards me and Liz. Liz went up and hugged Feliks, asking if he was alright and how he was doing. I just stood awkwardly by the curtains. Feliks saw me and jokingly asked "Hey don't I get a hug from you?"

I didn't know whether he was being serious or not, so I just laughed artlessly. Feliks frowned and then said, "I guess not".

Was he really expecting a hug from me?

The three of us talked for a while about anything and absolutely everything. Well almost everything, one topic was still unheard and that was why Feliks had fainted in the first place. When I had asked, he said that it was just because he was dizzy and missed a step. I nodded and, being the gullible person I am, actually believed him. Liz on the other hand, did not take his crap. She puffed up her cheeks and put her hands on her hips. Liz glared at Feliks and Feliks gradually became more and more uncomfortable. He looked down for a while and then clenched his stomach. Apparently this was some sign because Liz had gasped and looked angry, but concerned at the same time. She threw her arms around Feliks and… hugged him?

"I told you! I told you to stop!" Liz shouted furiously.

Feliks didn't say anything.

"You… this… this didn't turn out good the first time, did it?"

Feliks still said nothing.

I had no idea what was going on. What was Liz talking about? What did Feliks do that made her so upset?

"Your dad isn't…" Liz's sentence was cut off by Feliks.

"No, he has nothing to do with it, not directly" Feliks finally spoke.

So did Feliks's dad have something to do with it before and what did he mean by not directly?

Liz saw my puzzled face and said "Feliks, I'm going to get some coffee, come on Tor" She grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the little space that was Feliks's territory. Frankly, I didn't want to go with Liz. I wanted to stay by Feliks's side and maybe find out some answers. But then, I was a bit hungry, so it wouldn't be all that bad. When we got to the café in the hospital, Liz ordered two cappuccino's and we sat by the window. Liz sipped her drink for a while. I did the same. A few minutes later I spoke up, "Feliks, he's…"

Liz suddenly slammed her fist on the table, she looked really angry. "It's that poor excuse of a gather of his!" Liz shouted, "He works Feliks too hard and… and it really stresses him you know!"

I fell quiet; I didn't know what to say to that.

"Feliks is underweight and it seriously affects him" Liz went on, "And the stress doesn't help!"

I listened to Liz rampage on about how bad Feliks's father was. The more I listened, the sorrier I felt for Feliks. His mother had died when he was about 11 and his life had been going down hill ever since. His father had lost his job soon after his mother's death and they lived off of benefits. Feliks's father was always out and Feliks would normally spend his time alone in the house. He wouldn't leave just in case his father showed up early for once. Feliks worried a lot for his father, more than his father did for him, and he would try hard to look after him and himself. Feliks feared that if he wasn't there when his father was home then something bad might happen. Feliks's health was also poor. Feliks's digestive system didn't work like everyone else's. If he had more than a certain amount of food, he'd throw up. He soon started skipping meals altogether and was on the verge of anorexia. His bones were weak and he'd get dizzy and nauseous often. Last year, Liz had gotten very concerned for his well being and made sure Feliks was doing alright. When Liz finally got off Feliks's back about his health, since it had gotten up again, it dropped just as quick due to his father's behaviour. Feliks's life was a never ending hole. He was falling and falling and falling, alone into the darkness, no one there to catch him or to stop him, no one.

It reminded me of my life, but in comparison, Feliks was so much worse. I had a mother and sister who loved me dearly and tried ever so hard for me. Everyday when I went home, I was greeted by someone. I never had to worry about making my own food or looking after anyone, because I knew my family were always behind me. Although my family wasn't the most stable, they were there, always. I realised that I wasn't as lonely as I first thought. I didn't know what it felt to be lonely because I never was. When Liz had finished giving Feliks's background story she looked like she was almost in tears. After the little chat we made our way beck to Feliks. The walk there was silent and I just stared at my feet the whole way there. When we got to Feliks, he was stirring a bowl of chicken soup. He didn't seem to be much interested in the soup and simply played with it. When Feliks saw me and Liz, well mostly Liz, he forced the spoon full of soup into his mouth. She frowned at him and then went to sit by him. I walked over to Feliks who smiled at me happily. I questioned his smile. After what I had found out, I didn't know whether to trust the smile that his lips had formed or not. I smiled back nonetheless though. The rest of the time was spent talking to Feliks and Liz fussing over him. When my mum came back to pick us up again, Feliks frowned and said that he'd get bored if we live. I laughed at his childlike behaviour and Liz and I departed. As I was walking away, I felt someone grab my wrist. I turned to see Feliks there. He looked sad and pulled me closer towards him.

"You'll be back right?" he asked me.

I looked at his face and blushed. He looked so sweet and helpless that I didn't want to leave him. I nodded cheerfully to reply to his question and he smiled. I'd never seen him smile like that before; it was definitely a true smile. It made me happy that I made him smile a true honest smile. I tilted my head to the left before leaving him alone in the hospital, alone, as always.

Someone once said "Don't go away. I don't want to be alone. I can't stand being alone." Or something like that, I think, but if no one has, then they should, because that's exactly what Feliks's eyes were screaming at me. I didn't want him to be alone, I didn't want to leave him, but I had too and that guilt will never leave me. When I got home I tried calling Feliks, but his phone was turned off. I didn't know why I was feeling so bad and why this hurt me so much. I felt as if I had to do something, I am his friend after all. But it wasn't just friendship that was making me feel so bad, it was something else, but I didn't know what it was at the time. I lay awake that night, wondering if I should start looking out for Feliks as much as Liz did. The two of them seemed to get a long really well together. He seemed to tell her so much, so much that I didn't know. Feliks told Liz why he was in the hospital and the things leading up to it, whilst he didn't tell me anything. Liz was also always there by Feliks. Whatever lesson, whatever day, she was there with him. This new feeling that filled my heart made me angry. I wanted to burst out in tears because it got me so irritated. The strange thing was that this feeling was directed towards Liz. For some reason, I was annoyed with her, but I loved Liz, she was like a sister to me. Feliks, Liz and I had grown quite close and we treated each other like family. I didn't know why, but the more I thought about Liz and Feliks, the closer I was to crying and absolutely lashing out. I rested my head on my pillow in bed, trying hard to stop thinking about it, but the thought didn't leave. The next thing I knew, I was asleep.

When I was asleep I had a dream. I was behind some bars, set aside from the world. I watched the world play and laugh. Then, in amongst the crowd I saw two familiar faces, Feliks and Liz. They were happy and they were talking to each other. I screamed their names, waving, but they ignored me. When they did look at me, they laughed and brushed me off. I fell silent afterwards and sat behind the bars watching my two best friends play. But instead of loathing them, I decided to hate myself. I decided that since there were two of them disliking me, that I must hate me too, because two is greater than one. I sat behind the bars, watching the world be happy, whilst I was sad. Maybe their happiness would rub off on me? No, I was separate, I wasn't meant to be happy with them and that's why I was behind the bars of my misery and hate. Each bar mocking my sadness and detest. Maybe, I was supposed to be alone, maybe I was holding Feliks and Liz back, maybe I was just that third wheel that served no purpose, maybe I was never meant to be.

… Maybe…

**So that's chapter 4, please leave reviews ^.^ **


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